Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Instant Gratification

I admit it.  I'm an instant gratification girl.  I want to do the work, and see my efforts pay off immediately.  The universe, however, doesn't work like that.  So, I get impatient.  I wonder if I'm doing everything I should be doing.  I lament that my ship hasn't come in.  In fact, I don't even see it on the horizon.  I start to doubt myself, and what I'm doing.  The chatter starts in my head, quietly at first..."what are you doing?", "what makes you think you can do this?".  And it gets louder and louder..."you aren't good enough to pull this off", "you aren't a REAL artist".  And on it goes swirling, swirling around my head, and spinning me into a freefall.

When I start to feel those old feelings of unworthiness start to take hold, I stop for a minute.  I breathe in.  I breathe out.  And I try to find that peaceful place in my heart.  The super-secret place where I keep my most precious dreams, and where, in that quiet place I can remember why I do what I do.  And in my heart of hearts, I know that I can do whatever I want, be the person/the artist/the poet/the teacher/the... that I want to be.

And in that moment, I begin to hear my gentler, more loving voice telling me that these obstacles, these disappointments, are only setting me up for better days ahead.  Because no matter how much I want to be in charge, no matter how much I want to control this journey, no matter how much I want to chart my course, the truth is, it's out of my hands, and there is a plan.  There is the "dream come true".  And it's all waiting for me.  All I have to do is follow my heart, pursue my passion, remain open, and be patient.  Because my plan isn't the plan.  And what appear to be hurdles or delays occur only because the universe has a better idea, a better plan than I could ever imagine. 


1 comment:

Ornery's Wife said...

In Darren Hardy's book, The Compound Effect, he talks about the pendulum of failure and success. His theory (and I believe it must be true) is that the more failures you chalk up, the more successes you will experience. The pendulum swinging only a short stride means you won't have many failures, but it also means you won't have huge successes.

It was a really good picture for me because I have always been afraid of failure. Like you, I prefer the instant gratification of sales and comments on my writing or craft, but the reality is, the more I put myself out there (and fail from time to time) the more success I eventually find under my belt.

Now, I run after failures, although not as fast as I should! I think I need to go back and re-read that book again. It had some good nuggets in it.

For now, lets just ride that pendulum and see how high we can go!