Thursday, April 28, 2011

Recent Stitchery and Random Thoughts

Just some stitched bits I've been working on lately.  While I'm stitching, I have a lot of time to think.  Because, as you know by now, if left to my own devices, I could sit and stitch and think for hours and hours.  Every day.  If only there weren't dishes in my sink, a dog to be piddled, and weeds already outgrowing my perennials.  I might become a reclusive stitcher.  Good that I've got other things going on in my world, I suppose. 

Anyway.  I've been pondering my life lately.  Ooooohhhh, I knoooowwww...deep.  Scary and deep. I am reading the most wonderful book: The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One.  Oh.My.NERVES!  Where has this book been all my life??!!  I've really only just started it, but already I feel that Margaret wrote it just for me, me, me. 

In my ponderings, I've been wondering, "am I too old?", "is it too late?", or plainly, "am I crazy?"  The answer, my friends, is no, no, NO!  Egads, what a relief.  As I stitch and paint and ponder my way through my life, trying new things as they intrigue me, and really never settling on just one thing, it does make me wonder if there is something wrong with me.  I know it's not commitment issues: I've been in a 21-year relationship with my one true love.  It's not lack of interest: I have more interests than hours in the day.  But, I do feel scattered and without focus a lot of the time.  But this book!  It's telling me there are more of you like me out there.  It's telling me to go on with my bad self and keep doing what I'm doing.  It's OKAY!  And there's a promise later in the book, of how to channel some of this energy and inspiration.  Hoo-RAY! 

There are so many things I'd like to do.  And I do feel like I have had a lot of false starts, going down one path and finding I'd rather wander over on that path over there.  And I'd love to tell you I'm one of those, "hey,'s all good" people.  But the fact that I can't "settle down" like "normal" people  Some days.  Other days, I do shift towards the "everything is happening as it should be" paradigm.  But even those shifts feel manic and stressful.  

It ain't easy being me.

But this book is reminding me that when I started this journey towards living my dreams, I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  And still?  I chose it.  It's not always easy, it's not always fun.  But the days when I'm in the flow, and inspired, and on fire...those days make the scarier days so much less scary, and the awesome, goose-bump-producing, day-of-my-dreams days so much more so.  And the beautiful thing about this book is that I realize I already know this stuff!  I have it in me.  Everything.  All of it.  It has just reminded me how smart I really am, how precious this life is, and how much freaking fun it can be!  A gift.  Grateful.  Me.


Judy Merrill-Smith said...

Uh huh, I think I'm in the same boat. A book that I really like is Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Sher. She talks about our "type" of folks, and strategies that you might find useful as you live your one and only life. You are NOT crazy - you are brave! And it IS all good.

Jeanne said...

Oh Tammy, I'm right there with you. I was feeling the same way - even before I lost George - and now it just seems even worse. I am so scattered with my mind going in all different directions. I can't seem to focus. And then I end up doing nothing. At least you are still moving forward and creating. I can't even to that! It's frustrating. Thanks for the tip on the book though. I'm going to have to pick up a copy for myself! Hang in there!! Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you. I think this just be our "new normal." Yikes!


Cindy In Carolina said... thinks I need to get this book!! I'm with ya sista.

Sandra L. said...

I'm gonna check out this book, Tammy! It sounds like me, too! Thanks!

Cassie Shella said...

Wow! I need to read this book:) It's nice to know there are more like me out there. Your weekend downtown looked wonderful too - how fun, and tasty. Have a really great week.